Time to Talk Day

Time to Talk

When you hear the word HEALTH what comes to mind?  For many it is diet, for others it is all about activity but until recently the mind/soul/spirit side of things has been largely neglected.  The tide is turning though.  With stress, anxiety and depression now affecting so many people this is an area that must come under the spotlight more.  It’s time we all started taking a more rounded approach to what health means.

Mental Health – stress, anxiety and depression

Stress, anxiety and depression are problems that we are all likely to experience at some point of time in our lives.  They are often not debilitating and we can ‘work through’ or ‘cover up’ but is that really the healthy option?

Techniques can be helpful to getting by but by not tackling the root cause of the issue we just allow it to continue or to grow in severity.

It often takes another to spot the point at which intervention is necessary.  Be kind to those around you and be aware of how they are coping, behaving and reacting.  Flag any concerns you have early.  It’s better to risk offending than to watch someone you care about slide into depression or break down.

In the coaching room I am hearing more and more about how stress, anxiety, bullying and depression are becoming everyday factors in life.  Rarely though are people reaching out for the specialist support that they need.  There are many different ways of tackling these issues.  In many cases just finding one person who you can talk to about them will be the turning point.  Then, with that person’s help, start searching for ways to support yourself.  It doesn’t always mean seeing a counsellor or a doctor, it might be that you can introduce practices such as yoga, meditation or mindfulness to your daily routines.  It may be that you need to look at your lifestyle and introduce some balance.

I recommend creating as long a list of options as possible and then giving things a try to see how they work for you.  A friend may have had great results with meditation but it may be that running would work better for you.  We are all unique and it’s highly likely that you are going to need more than one option up your sleeve to help you when times get tough

My plea today is that if you feel stressed, anxious, bullied or depressed then reach out for help.  The professionals whose work touches on these areas will have YOUR best interests at heart and will refer you on to the most suitable approach if necessary.  Don’t suffer in silence, don’t make do, cover up or get by….get help.  You are worth it!

You can use my Gift Introduction Session to get that conversation started with the assurance that if you need help other than coaching I will support and encourage you to find that appropriate support that you need.

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Blue Monday

They say today is Blue Monday…..I don’t buy into that myself but once that idea has been planted in your head it can be hard to shake. Just like the idea that every Monday is depressing 😣 and every Friday is a reason to be cheerful 😊.

Day Dreaming

My stand by for when I’m feeling blue (whatever the day) is always a book but it’s not always practical to read yourself out of a funk.  Day dreaming is much more accessible though.  If you have the blues today…..

  • What would you like to be doing today?
  • What would you like tomorrow to look like?
  • How could you make that your reality?

Blue Monday, Monday BluesChildren are normally great at daydreaming but as we get older we seem to think that it’s a sign of immaturity.  I’m not sure why really.  After all, how can we create something new if we can’t dream it first?

So, if Blue Monday has it’s claws in you today, instead of focusing on the fact that it’s dark outside, that it’s raining and cold and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop any time soon…you could try thinking about the fact that it won’t stay that way forever, that tomorrow is Tuesday and who knows what that will bring?

Try thinking about the fact that life is the product of a series of decisions that we have made and that each decision we make going forward has the potential to change our reality or to leave it the same.  If you don’t yet know what you would like your future to look like and what you need to do to make that happen then you need to do some thinking about what you actually want and then work out what seems possible to you.

 

If you’d need some help with that there’s always my gift introduction session  to help you.😉

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Question from the Chat Letter

With the latest Chat Letter winging it’s way to inboxes this week it’s time to revisit some of the content from the last one which was all about inspiration.

The question I posed was:
“Where do you get inspiration from?”

We’re all inspired differently. By a person, a book, a film, you name it. It’s useful to know what works for you so that if you are feeling a little bit stale, stuck in a rut or dull you can get yourself going again.

I had a wonderful response from Amanda who listed all sorts of different types of inspiration. She’s obviously really thought about the question.

Here’s what she had to say:

“Sources of inspiration – so many! 

  • You, obviously (you did know that, right?);
  • my other life coach, Pete Cohen, and the online community he’s created (Mi365), which is free and massively supportive of anyone who wants to make positive changes in their lives (I will understand if you decide not to mention him and them in your newsletter!);
  • Books – so many, but off the top of my head “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod (packed with easily applied goodies and downloads to inspire you to tweak your life for the better) is inspirational;
  • There can be things like websites, too – have you ever sat down with one (non-work) question and an hour spare at google.com? If you follow the search through with all the other questions that the answers to your first question bring up, you can end up in some amazing places! You can discover great new websites, which prompt ideas. Speaking of which, try “stumbleupon.com“. Brilliant.
  • My cats – they are very much a driver of the positive changes I want to make because they are my family and my most loved creatures or people in the world (for other people it might be their children, I imagine, but this is the nearest I’ve got to that and they do inspire me forwards when times are hard)
  • (Visual) the sea, a sunset or sunrise (a sunrise OVER the sea – that’s a double whammy);
  • (Aural) the sound of the sea, waves lapping at the shore on a beach or even when you need a different kind of inspiration, the sound of the waves crashing hard over rocks;
  • (Olfactory) the smell of fresh bread, fresh coffee (even though I don’t really drink it and was brought up on tea but it smells so gorgeous!), freshly-mown grass – you could go on and add tastes of favourite foods. Anything that comforts me shores me up against whatever it is that I need to deal with and inspires me onwards or even to entirely new things, fresh ideas.
  • Nature – only I tend to work better with photographs or films of nature rather than having to go rough and ready to be in amongst the real thing, but whatever works for you, right?
  • Anything you have at home which fits that quotation by William Morris about how you should only have things around you which are beautiful or useful – well, the beautiful stuff. That always inspires.
  • Exercise – failing that, movement and action. Keep moving and you are bound to find something inspiring in your life.
  • Oh and something I have learned BOTH through cognitive behavioural therapy AND life coaching is that if you need inspiration, take action *first*, even if you don’t feel like it. Trust the process, the inspiration will come *after* the action has been taken (and will inspire further action in future). Action is the key.”

 

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Why I’m Rolling Back my Prices

It’s not all about the money, money, money.

Over the winter I tend to go into a semi hibernation.  Generally speaking I’m not very outgoing but I’m even less so at the early part of the year.  Though I need to be careful that I don’t take this tendency too far there is a positive side to it as well.  It gives me time to reflect.

This winter it gave me time to realise that my last price increase has never really felt comfortable for me.  Anyone who is self-employed is likely to understand that pricing is one of the hardest parts of being in business.  Especially so in the service industry.  It has certainly been an area of constant push and pull for me and last year I gave in to the push.

 

The push is the industry or business wisdom:

  • If you don’t value yourself, how will others?
  • Don’t under value the profession, you have to keep your prices high
  • Charge high and work with fewer clients
  • You can create lower priced ways of working with clients for those who can’t afford one to one

It all sounds reasonable and it’s not easy to refute these arguments but, and it’s a big BUT for me, sometimes it just doesn’t feel RIGHT.

That’s where I find myself.  I have watched the coaches that I admire constantly creep their prices up, always being that bit too expensive for me to afford.  I get that if I spend more than is comfortable to me then I’ll be committed to the process and I’ll do my all to get the very best from it. If that money still isn’t in the bank though I won’t go into debt.  I wouldn’t expect my clients to either.

So I’ve looked at myself honestly to apply the integrity that is one of my highest values.  I came into this work to help people who are ready to help themselves and I’ve always wanted coaching to be affordable to them.  I believe it can change lives but only if it is accessible.  It is my chosen career and I want to make a living from it but it’s never been my true desire to make a six figure income, I’ve just been lured into the prospect.

As a result I’m turning back my prices for any sessions booked from today.  I hope that the rate that I have chosen means I will be able to continue working as a life coach and that those of you who wish to work with me can.

 

If you really want to change your life with the help of a coach, if you’ve had your introduction gift session and decided that coach is me and if you still can’t afford it…..tell me.  Let’s see what arrangement we can come to.

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100 Year Old Inspiration

100 Year Old Inspiration, Ivy 

 

100 year old inspiration, IvyThis week has been an important one for my husband’s family as his Nan, Ivy, celebrated her 100th birthday.  WOW!  Ever since I first met her Ivy has impressed me.  She was a mere youngster of 86 then.  She still did her own housework and shopping, regularly went on outings with her boyfriend and would be the first on the dance floor at family parties.  That said she still lives in her own flat, has only just stopped going shopping and enjoyed a dance at her birthday party.

 

 

As the years have gone by I’ve been watching, listening and picking up some of her secrets:

  • Have fun and laugh often
  • Stay mobile (she stands while doing her jigsaw puzzles)
  • Keep the mind active (there’s always a puzzle book on the go and she watches just about every quiz show on tv)
  • Have interests – (along with the quiz shows she loves all sports apart from boxing)
  • Eat a good breakfast (a bowl of cereal piled high with all sorts of fruits)

Of course this are great tips and we all need to find our own versions that will work for us.  I’ve been trying to do some of my computer work standing up but haven’t been successful so far so have built regular walks into my routine.  I’m currently a work in progress when it comes to over hauling my food and drink consumption and I love reading.  There’s still plenty more for me to learn and implement though.

This week has taken my thoughts to a different question.

100 year old inspiration what would you have to do

That thought stopped me in my tracks.  Firstly because I simply can’t imagine living that long as that would mean another 52 years, I’m not even half way there.

In itself that’s a good wake up call.  I meet so many people who are considerably younger than me who already feel it’s too late for them to change direction in life, they don’t have enough time.  Well if they managed to follow Ivy’s example they’d have plenty of time!

So here’s a few questions for you to mull over assuming you live to 100:

  • What would you have time to do?
  • What steps would you need to take now to care for your body?
  • How would you take care of your mind?
  • What would you do to nuture your spirit?
  • What plans could you put in place now to move towards the life you want for your remaining years?

I’ve always hated the idea of a bucket list as it implies a shortage of time.  I understand that we sometimes need that wake-up call but what if were to focus on the potential time that we COULD have and how we’d like to spend that? Doesn’t it seem so much more full of possibilities and fun that way?

100 year old inspiration, JL Cakes

Thanks for the inspiration Ivy!

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Value for Money, Your 24/7 Life Coach

I’ve heard a couple of times now that my clients worry that others will think that they are going crazy.  Is that because they are reaching for dreams that others think are impossible?  Because they are making radical changes to their lives?  Well maybe it’s those as well but the one thing that makes me chuckle when I hear it is the number of them who tell me that they hear my voice in their heads when I’m not there.  How’s that for value for money?!

Today I had a catch-up with Julie so I could order some of her gorgeous cupcake bouquets and she upped the ante somewhat.  A couple of days ago she ended up having an argument with me in her head.  I’m pleased to say I won, and it worked out really well for her.

You see she was meeting a friend at a local café and she heard me (in her head) saying what a good opportunity it would be to take a bouquet and see if the café would be interested in stocking/selling them.  Her natural shyness argued not but after a lengthy battle of wills she decided to do it.  The café said no but she handed out cards to at least five people in the café that day who were interested in buying from her.

So, not only do you get coaching from me when you are with me but also when you’ve gone home.  I like to think of this as carrying my cheerleading for you into your everyday life.  What fantastic value for money, a 24/7 life coach.

Now I can understand that hearing voices in your head might not be everyone’s cup of tea but…..

If you’d like to order a wonderful cupcakes bouquet you can contact Julie on facebook.

 

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What can I create during 2017?

 

Let’s start with the assumption that you get to create whatever you choose.  It may not always seem like it I know but we do need to remember that we are the creators of our lives and we have more influence over it than we feel we do.

So let’s start the year on this positive note and look at what we really want from the year ahead.

If that flows well for you then why not look ahead as well.  After all most businesses work on a five year plan, the Olympic athletes will already have 2020 in their sights. By looking ahead like this we can see what we need to achieve in the short term to be able to make these longer term dreams/goals a reality.

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Love Yourself – The Greatest Love of all

This was originally written for my local magazine Bletchley Buzz.  It’s a topic that comes up regularly with many finding it harder to love themselves than to love and care for others.  So with thanks to Bletchley Buzz I’m replicating it here for those who aren’t lucky enough to get a copy of the magazine.

 

As we move into February our thoughts turn to love and romance.  From finding a partner for live to appreciating our soul mate.  However, as Whitney Houston used to sing to us, the greatest love of all is loving ourselves.

Learn to Love Yourself with Clare Wildman Coaching

It never ceases to amaze me how much harder we can be on ourselves than on those around us. I often hear people beating themselves up and yet if someone else had done/not done/said/not said the exact same thing they would think nothing of it.

This February why not start a new tradition for Valentine’s Day and make it love yourself day.  If you were to show appreciation and love for yourself just how would you want to do it?  Take some time to think about it, what would make you feel truly loved and cared for?

  • Your favourite meal
  • A glass of bubbly
  • A long hot soak in a candlelight bath
  • A bunch of flowers
  • An evening curled up with a book
  • Watching your favourite film
  • Listening to music
  • A pampering session
  • Booking a holiday
  • Switching off the phone, computer etc

Whatever feels right for you, do it!

If you don’t feel the love for yourself right now then a great way to build it is to make a ME book.  Use it to record all the things about yourself that are good (these are the bits we often forget) and refer to it whenever you are feeling unsure, unloved or low in self esteem.  It might include some of the following:

  • Achievements/Successes
  • Your good qualities
  • Compliments you have received
  • Things you have done
  • Things you are proud of
  • People you love
  • Plans for your future

Make sure you only record the things you feel are good here.  Then use it for an instant boost as and when needed.  Try to remember to add to it, especially to include compliments and nice things people have said about you as these are the things we forget the quickest.

Happy Valentine’s Day You!

 

Show yourself a little love this month.

Book using code Valentine1 for a 14% discount or double the love with code Valentine2 for 28% off.  Go on, show yourself you care!

 

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Choice Overwhelm

Choice overwhelmWhen it comes to deciding what you are going to work towards in the future it can be more tricky than it might originally seem.  At first it seems simple, you just decide what you want and then go about making it happen.

If you are anything like me though when you start looking at what you want there’s a whole range of things you’d quite like but there are so many that have the same priority for you.  So where do you start? Can you have it all?  If so can you work on it all at once?  Looking at your list you may be able to answer that question immediately with a NO.

This is the point where overwhelm kicks in and sheer range of what you’d like to accomplish stops you from taking action.

Anyone who has been to me for coaching will know that I recommend a maximum of 3 new/big projects at any one time.  However great you are at juggling different projects I have found that this is the most you can handle and make real progress while not swamping yourself completely.  I’ve worked this out myself through trial and error (plenty of the latter) and I’m very good at juggling.  In one of my employment roles I had about seven different hats to juggle and I maintained that for years.

So what does this mean for you?

Well rather than getting overwhelmed by that list just pick a couple, or even just one, thing that you want to achieve and make a start.  Action is always inspiring and achievement even more so.  Just get going on something.

In The Expert Experience I recommend spending at least one run period (28 days) on a topic.  This gives you time to make a reasonable assessment of whether or not you really want this.  You’ll have had to overcome some difficulties with enthusiasm and motivation and will be better placed to decide if you are just fining it a little more tricky than you expected or if you really don’t want it any more.

It may be that once you have made a start it becomes a new routine or habit and you can move on to something else on your list and make a start on that at the same time.

Whatever happens when the overwhelm kicks in:

  • Stop
  • Take stock
  • Take an action
  • Don’t worry about the rest

 

If you’d like to know more about The Expert Experience and how you can use it to help you there are more details here.

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New Year Resolutions, New Options

New Year, New Options

New options is the way I prefer to see the whole business of New Year resolutions.  After all the idea is about creating something different for the year ahead.

 

There is something inspiring about that first blank page of the calendar.  A fresh start, a new beginning.  Of course we can do this on any day but there is undoubtedly a different enthusiasm around the start of the year and it’s a shame to waste it.

New Year Resolutions, New OptionsI do find it incredibly frustrating though as so many programs are designed to start on the 1st January, resolutions are made with the intention of starting that day and, quite frankly, the timing is just wrong.  On the first day of the year we are still in the celebration/post celebration phase.  There is a strong likelihood of a full cupboard/fridge of food left over from the festivities, present often include food and drink as well.  We’re also still in the holiday period.  That said this year things are getting back to normal very quickly.  I’ve never heard of so many people taking down their Christmas decorations so early.

Instead I prefer the idea of using the first few days of the year to get ready, to think about what I want to achieve, to ponder what may be created in the year ahead and to decide what I really want.  Only then will I look at how I will go about achieving that and it very rarely means making a New Year Resolution.  Here’s some of the options that I might use:

  • Monthly resolutions
  • Word for the year
  • Goal settting
  • Vision board
  • Decluttering
  • Review of the year gone by
  • Goal mapping
  • Systems designed by others (Leonie Dawson, Susanna Conway,100 day goal)

I’ve used all these options before, with varying levels of success.  Some feel right one year but not the next.  It’s great to have them in my tool box as options but I also love to add new options and try new things.  This year I’m going big with my own system.

Expert Experience

 

This year I’ll be setting a 2020 vision.  I’ll create a vision of where I want to be at the end of the year 2020 and it will involve all areas of my life.  Then I’ll be picking one area of life in which I want to become an expert.  It may not be easy to do but having read a lot of biographies I can see that to get ahead the being really good at something is what really propels you towards success.  Then each day I will focus on how I can become more expert in that area.

It won’t stop me working on the other areas of my life I want to change but this will be my primary focus.  It will be where the bulk of my effort and energy will be expended.  I’ll break it down into bite sized chunks with clear measures and commit myself to it.

If this sounds like a good way of working to you then you might like to consider joining The Expert Experience Club.  It’s a place where we’ll all be working like this and I’ll be bringing inspiration and techniques from the world of sport to help us.

What will you create this year? The next? The year after that? In 2020?

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